- Observation: You know you’ve been spending too much time on the computer if you spill coffee on your khaki pants, and your first impulse is “CTRL Z.”
- Tip: Using MODEMACRO to mess with coworkers
Try typing “modemacro” into the AutoCAD command line. You will be prompted to enter a new value. Type something in, and press enter. Now look at the very left side of AutoCAD’s status bar – you should see the text you just entered. This is a great way to confuse people or spread propaganda.
For example, you might put “Give Johnny a Raise” on your Boss’ status bar (consider changing “Johnny” to your own name). Or a sinister message on a coworkers status bar – you know, “I’m watching you” or “d0 y0u f33L 1ucKy?” or something.
If you’re really ambitious, you can write a very simple lisp routine to read a text file from the server when AutoCAD starts up, and insert the contents of that file into the MODEMACRO variable. Now you can set messages on anyone’s computer without having to access it all the time (just once initially).
If you want it to be REAL dynamic – set your lisp routine to redefine a common command (zoom?), such that the file is copied to the status bar, then the original command executes as normal.
- Observation: You know you’re Generation X (or younger) if you open your email, write a carefully thought out message to a colleague and send it, and your colleague answers you a minute later. Verbally. From 12 feet away.
- Definition: “Office Meeting” : A time to fellowship with your coworkers over donuts, listen to stories from the resident Veteran Surveyor, discuss American Idol, or place fantasy football bets.
- Observation: You know you’re working in a Civil firm if you hear phrases such as:
- “Go ahead and nudge that drywell to the right a bit.”
- “Beat to fit, paint to match.”
- “Just pound it in there.”
- “Architects mess everything up.”
- Observation: You know you’re working in an Architectural firm if:
- You tell the project manager the building doesn’t fit within the setbacks, and he says: “No problem. Grab that property line there… yes, now drag that grip just a bit to the left… “
- You tweak property lines because 90-degree angles are beautiful.
- You spend 80% of your time on important issues such as tile patterns, the shape of sign lettering, wall colors, etc, and 20% of your time on minor issues such as building dimensions and wall sections.
- Tip: The quickest way to find the Civil section in a large, multi-discipline set of plans is to rapidly flick through it, stopping when your eye catches what appears to be a child’s random scribbles on the page. This will most likely be the Utility Plan.
- Tip: Consider adding this note to any general notes you place on each page: “Revision clouds are not to be physically constructed.” Why? You never know.
- Observation: “The Ghost on the Network”
It is an all-to-common occurrence for a drafter to leave a drawing pristine and clean (layer states set, zoomed to extents, etc), only to come in the next morning to find what can only be described as a virtual disaster area. Usually unexplained, this phenomena is generally blamed on the “Network Ghost.”
A recent study, however, points the finger elsewhere…The Boss.”I just went in real quick to make a couple of minor edits.”
- Tip: Clandestine Chatting within AutoCAD
So, lunch break has ended, but the political conversation with your coworker was just getting good and heated. What to do? Create a drawing on the network with a simple mtext message in it. You and said coworker xref the drawing into whatever you’re currently working on. Take turns doing an “Edit XREF in place”, and simply reload when you get the notification that the xref has been modified. - Notes:
- It’s rude and confusing to post more than one message consecutively. You must alternate.
- It is recommended that you put the mtext object on a non-printing layer. Otherwise you’re just begging for humiliation – when the day comes that your message is inadvertently plotted, and suddenly the whole office knows all about your “secret problem.” Or worse – your emotionally unstable coworker reads all the mean things you said about him.
- Definition: “Rapid Topic Shifting” (RTS’ing)
RTS’ing is a powerful technique for avoiding trouble with the Office Authorities. It is the practice of shifting seamlessly from any given topic to a work-related topic. For example:
“Apparently Paula was hitting on Simon again. I don’t know what she sees in him… he’s so rude. Did you hear what he said to that one girl? ‘You should ask your vocal coach for a full refund.’ She started the invert will have to shift down a couple inches though, to maintain minimum slope. It’d probably be easier to just route the whole thing through an easement…”
Simple in theory, the technique requires practice for smooth execution – unless you’re one of those clever, quick-witted folks.
And practice you should. Nothing says “Hey Boss, I am a bad employee. Don’t give me a raise” quite as effectively as going completely silent the moment The Boss walks in.
Tags: autocad humor, office humor