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November 12, 2008

The Dark Side of Adderall

Filed under: Adderall — Anthony @ 1:44 am

It doesn’t take much browsing of drug forums and viewing search queries to realize that the most sought-after information regarding Adderall is related to tolerance reduction. There are volumes of amateur research to be found.

Magnesium is probably the dominant “cure” brought up in discussions. L-Tyrosine comes up often. Some users swear by these (and other) supplements. But when you take the response as a whole, the general consensus seems to be that there is really no way to significantly reduce tolerance.

But here’s the thing. When you do enough research to get a handle on what people are really after, it’s not actually the therapeutic value of the class of drugs. They are generally looking for the high.

Adderall is kind of mean that way. The first time you take it, it’s mind blowing. The second time… it’s almost mind blowing. The third time… well, it degrades rapidly from there. But what exactly is mind blowing?

I’ll tell you one thing for sure – it’s not the ability to focus.

It is the euphoria. The feeling of world-conquering motivation. Feeling like you want to give everyone a hug. The ability to carry on quick-witted conversation like you are reading from a fast-paced movie script.

Those few hours, when you first used amphetamines, are burned into your mind – only to tease you for the rest of your life (as far as I know).

But here’s the thing. And it is a goodthing, despite not being what most tolerance-reduction seekers want to hear: you were not prescribed Adderall for it’s mind-blowing effects. You were prescribed Adderall to help keep your mind on task, or (in my case), to help you get through the day without a 2-hour  nap.

I attached a graph comparing the therapeutic effects, “recreational” effects and other side effects (the unpleasant ones – cold limbs, appetite suppression, tachycardia, etc) over time. The graph is purely intuitive, and the relative levels of the “quantities” are meaningless. The levels per quantity, however, ARE meaningful. The graph is based on personal experience, and a lot of reading of other’s experiences.

Each vertical line indicates a new month. A couple of things to notice:

  • “Recreational” effects are tolerated extremely quickly. Euphoria and such literally do not occur after a couple of days.
  • An “abuse event” may provide a glimpse of the original “high”, but only a glimpse. Further, it severely attenuates the therapeutic effects for as much as several weeks, depending on the duration and magnitude of the event. Debatably, the brain never fully “recovers”, as the projected post-event Therapeutic Effects shows. If it does, it does so very slowly.

So, what is the point of all of this?

  1. You’re never going to attain that initial high again, so forget about it.
  2. Trying to attain a high has severe detrimental effects on the therapeutic value of amphetamines.
  3. While the brain quickly tolerates the “recreational” effects, the physical effects (vasco, pulmonary, etc) seem to vary about linearly with the size of the dose. Obviously then, the higher your recreational tolerance, the more dangerous it is to achieve recreational levels.
  4. On the extreme end, users have demonstrated tolerance for up to as much as 2 grams (!!) of meth (!!) per day. THAT is where the recreational road ends up. It’s futile… and… well, at 2 grams per day, that’s got to be getting expensive.

For those who are considering going on Adderall, here is a piece of advice I very much wish I had been given at the very beginning:

Do NOT start your use with a prescribed dose. Instead, taper up over a week, or even two. In doing so, you’ll be mitigating possible issues from the outset.

Of course, I have to say at this point – don’t do ANYthing other than what your doctor has told you, without discussing it first. :)

Further reading: All the amphetamine information you ever wanted.

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July 9, 2008

Adderall Holiday

Filed under: Adderall — Tags: , , — Anthony @ 7:21 pm

Currently in day two of a break from Adderall.

I’ve never had a difficult time concentrating – unless it was at a boring job for an 8 hour day (who doesn’t?), but right now, it takes an enourmous amount of mental strain to do things that normally I find very interesting and easy. Even forming written sentences is – not difficult – but labored. The inside of my head might as well be filled with thick smoke. I have to mentally squint to nail down a thought, then force myself to type it out.

Even literal vision seems affected. If you’ve ever had migraine aura in the form of blindspots – it’s similiar to that. Much more vague of course – but similiar in that I have the sensation that part of my vision is missing, making it difficult to read. (I don’t actually have blindspots).

 I’m going to be off of Adderall for about two weeks minimum. Why? I’m starting to like to it too much, to the point where I’m actually getting sick of thinking about it. And I am far to dependant on it – when I have no reason to be. I have always been productive, with or without Adderall. Adderall simply gave me more time in the day to be productive. Not an excessive amount of time – a normal amount of time.

 I’ll probably post an update in a couple of days – hopefully the “withdrawel” symptoms will have diminished by then. From what I’ve read though, I can expect anywhere from a couple of days to two weeks for the brain to return to pre-Adderall baselines. We’ll see….

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June 19, 2008

Adderall – Just over a Year

Filed under: Adderall — Tags: , , , , , — Anthony @ 3:16 am

I can’t believe it, but it’s the truth. Was it really that long ago that I wrote my “Day 1″ post?!

Anyway, I was looking at webstats for the first time today, going back to the beginning of this blog. I thought it would be fun to address a few search terms that come up frequently in Google searches.

1. Provigil or/vs/with Adderall
My experience with Provigil was very brief (1 week) – keep that in mind. Provigil was far, far more subtle than Adderall. I never noticed any effect with Provigil, I simply didn’t get sleepy when I usually do. Adderall gives you a very noticable pleasant, motivated feeling. But restricting this to only the effects on sleepiness, Adderall seems to be more intense, but shorter in duration. Of course you could take lots of tiny Adderall doses to equalize that difference, but that’s just annoying. The critical difference was in side effects. Provigil didn’t really have any. Adderall basically smacks you in the head with a baseball bat at the end of the day. Last but not least – price. You can get a prescription for Provigil only if you have tested positive for narcolepsy. I haven’t. So for me the difference is between $10 and $200 a month.

2. Adderall and sore eyes / eye pain
During The Crash, my eyes feel sunken in and strained, but no differently than when I’m very tired.

3. How long does Adderall take to stabilize in the body?
It is different for every effect. Some effects increase over time, some decrease. The “anti-sleep” diminished over a couple of months on what seemed like a log scale – a lot over the first month, a little the second month, a tiny bit the third month, etc. I don’t notice any change over time at this point (1 year). For me, the “cold hands” effect slowly increased, until the 8 month mark or so. I didn’t notice it at first. Now my hands and feet are freezing when I take it, unless the ambient temperature is pretty warm. Then they’re just “cold.” All of the “recreational” effect diminish rapidly over the first week. That includes talkativeness, euphoria, etc. I’ve read that those effects return with a week-or-so break, but I haven’t noticed it. I’ve never re-experienced my “first day.”

4. Adderall Nausea
If I take 10 mg or more at once, I will sometimes feel a very slight nausea, from 20 minutes to 40 minutes or so. It’s very minimal, and hasn’t really bothered me.

5. Adderall numb arms and face
Same cause as the cold limbs; Adderall constricts your blood vessels. I’ve never been numb, but I have had noticably blue-ish limbs, with sharp pains upon fast movement, on several occasions. It generally happens in my ankles when I take a little extra to meet a late night deadline, then get up from my desk.

6. How to combat the tiredness when taking a break from adderall
I wish I knew! If you’re desperate, they have 200 mg caffein pills (I’ve only seen them at Fred Myers), but of course – caffein is pretty disappointing after Adderall! It IS enough to keep you functional though. But really, plan on sleeping and being depressed. :)

7. Avoiding Adderall Crash
Interestingly, I’ve noticed that even if I crash rather hard at the end of the day, if I bludgeon my way through it, it actually dissipates after an hour or so. But the only time I really crash hard is when my last dose was too large. You can minimize the crash by tapering it off slowly. I usually take the largest dose at 12:30, knowing that I am hit hardest to sleep around 1:30. Then I take a medium dose around 3:30, and a small dose around 5:30.

Other assorted:

ADDERALL
IS
ADDICTIVE!!!

Sure, maybe YOU didn’t get addicted, but that doesn’t mean it’s not addictive. I would consider myself addicted, and that means everything. This doesn’t make it “bad” – it just necessitates certain measures.

I leave my Adderall in my wife’s safekeeping, knowing that when I start to feel the crash, the desire “to get back up” will be overwhelming. Once the crash is over though, I find I don’t care so much anymore. Nothing motivates the consumption of adderall like… the consumption of adderall.

Taking antacid prior to Adderall (I’ve read from “an hour before” to “at the same time”) sometimes seems to help, but not worth the chewing of those awful tablets. It is worth noting that the literature from the manufacturer warns against taking Antacids and Adderall together.

A lot of people struggle with insomnia on Adderall – and some of them find Melatonin effect in getting to sleep. It’s available over the counter as a supplement all over the place for $5 or so. I’ve tried it, and it does help me go to sleep, but I always wake up 3 to 4 hours later, and can’t get back to sleep for some time, so I gave up on it. I don’t have much of an issue with insomnia these days anyway.

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May 15, 2008

Provigil vs. Adderall

Filed under: Adderall — Tags: , , — Anthony @ 4:03 am

I know, I know – I couldn’t come up with any clever titles for this post. But that actually makes a point. A point about Provigil.

But first, I will rewind 12 hours or so. Actually – first let’s go 12 months back, to around the time of my first Adderall posts. Somewhere, back in one of those posts, I know I’ve talked about Provigil. About how it’s what I really want (as opposed to Adderall), but how I can’t have it because of it’s high cost, and very narrow range of insurance-recognized uses. And I talked about how I was stuck with Adderall for now, the high-power amphetamine. The highly addictive, $5-bucks-a-pop-on-campus, orange bundle of world-conquering energy. The one that turns your fingers cold, your skin clammy, and sets your heart a’palpitating.

 Moving on.

12 hours ago I happened across a “7 days Provigil supply for free” coupon on the official Provigil website. I called my doctor, who happened to have an opening an hour later – at 10:30 am. To make a short story shorter, I took 200mg of Provigil around 11:30. Then I crossed my fingers, and sat around waiting for fireworks to go off in my head.

….

An open letter to my friend is appropriate at this time.

Oh Adderall…  you set the bar so high. With you, there is nothing I can’t do. You’ve been there for me when I’ve had impossible deadlines, and needed to pull off 24-hour one-sitting-with-bathroom-breaks work sessions. You were by my side through many awkward conversations – conversations that were necessary, but that I couldn’t bring myself to partake in on my own. You kept me safe on the road on more than one occasion, when technically I should have been too tired to drive. You inspire me.

Yes, sometimes you were a jerk. Sometimes you are hard to predict. I’ve gone far more hours without sleep then I should ever have had to - because of your tricky, manipulative ways. Through some of those long working nights, you made my fingers and toes stiff with coldness. You’ve woken me up from sleep with a gasp, as my heart skipped a beat, then did what felt like a back-flip to catch up. I often have to avoid shaking hands – because my sweaty palms would gross people out.

But those flaws aren’t totally your fault. “30mgs” per day, they said. And yet… sometimes… you’re so irresistable. “All things in moderation” they say. And yet – the brain’s reward circuit is so powerful.

Overall, the good times far outweigh the bad. If I could go back – I would gladly do it all again. The day I have to go back to my “hypersomniatic” schedule will be the day I double my zoloft prescription.

***

Now, where was I?

Oh yes -the fireworks. They never came. I gave up waiting after about 4 hours, noticing no effect beyond what a caffien pill of the same mass would provide. I gave up – and laid down for a nap (having given up Adderall for the day, per Dr.’s instructions).

30 minutes later, I got up. At that point, I felt very awake (this onset time does not seem typical from what I’ve read, but it’s what I experienced!). No fireworks, just very awake. And now, 8.5 hours later, still very awake.

 But it’s very different from the “Adderall Awake.” For one, I am not at this moment striving for world domination. Also, my mind is not spontaneously striking out on odd tangents like it does with Adderall – something that is expressed as “creativity” when it’s happening. And that brings us back to the title of this post. No creativity whatsoever. : (

On Adderall – my mind works like a pot of popcorn, cooking old-school style – you know… on the stove, a little oil, a handful of seeds - and within minutes the pot’s lid has risen 3 inches on an unstoppable, expanding column of popcorn. Ideas flowing, churning, just on the border of consciousness – combinations, permutations, associations, ideas - all of which would have seemed “dumb” in process under normal brain-chemistry circumstances, and yet the “dumb in process” turns into “beautiful in completion” on Adderall because my dopamine-flooded neurons had the guts to charge forward with what appeared at first to be a “dumb idea.”

“What? I can’t play those notes together! That’ll sound awful!”
“Just do it. Trust me.”
“Allllrighty then.”
[plays several very dissonant notes]
“See? It sounds like cra… cra… …”
[dissonant notes resolve in an amazing chord sequence I never would have guessed sounded good]
“Holy crap, that gave me shivers! That is so beautiful!… wait, what? No no, THAT one will sound bad….”

A third observation: does this post seem to meander a bit?

Here’s how I explain Adderalls “focusing” effects to people.

A stream of thought is like a car on the freeway. On Adderall, the wheels are stuck in a groove in one lane. The car resists changing lanes. You can even let go of the steering wheel, and the car will navigate turns on it’s own, so deep are those grooves. On Provigil, which has minimal “focusing” effects, the car will drift right off the shoulder if you’re not actively correcting it. And indeed, my mind has wondered (pun intended) off the shoulder of this post at least a dozen times.

I guess to close – Provigil is perfectlysufficient for my true issues. All I ever asked for was to stay awake for a normal number of hours. But see, I’ve been spoiled now. And after all this time, I think I’ll stick with Adderall. Not to mention Provigil costs 8 times more without insurance…. that’s 30 times more with Adderall covered, but Provigil not.

Now, excuse me, for I am being distracted and must go.

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